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Anger and Grief

    When we lose people close to us it is natural to grieve.

    Anger can often be a part of the grief process we travel through.

    Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.

    Encyclopaedia of Psychology

    Anger in some cases may be directed at people we believe are in some way to cause for the death or to have not handled matters following the death as we perceive they should have done. In some cases, anger may be directed at anything and everything. The person experiencing the anger can feel wronged and righteous in the way they then deal with others.

    When it leads to an obsessive and organized agenda of hate and revenge, anger is not healthy. At times, the anger may be directed at one target and then may expand or shift to others.

    When anger gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life.

    A Native American elder, it is said, was telling his grandson

    about his feelings following a recent loss.

    I feel as if I have two wolves fighting within me: one is hateful and vengeful, the other is loving and compassionate,” he told his grandson.

    Which one will win?” the grandson asked.

    The one I feed,” the grandfather replied.

    The challenge when we experience anger in grief is to feel the anger, while not allowing the anger – or any desire for revenge – to consume us. 

    Recognising that the depth of emotion and discomfort we experience, and the possible fracturing of relationships, is based in anger and driven by grief is the first step to dealing with those feelings in a more constructive and positive way … and that will enable us to move through and deal with the loss and displacement at our own pace.

    Often, however, the person with the anger fails to recognise it whilst those around them have to deal with the consequences.

    Yes, this post is a little left of centre for me and this blog. A family issue prompted it. The sad part is that many families struggle with this pain at the point of loss, and it often last years – even lifetimes.

    6 thoughts on “Anger and Grief”

    1. I lost my mom a few years back and to this day I’m still angry over it…but I try not to let it consume me or affect my day to day living. That’s a whole lot of negativity that would probably affect everyone around me.

    2. I’m still not over the loss of my father, who died more than three years ago. I didn’t get a chance to see him off before his last breath and feel cheated. I realize it’s something I need to overcome, but it’s hard especially since I don’t understand his reasoning for keeping me at arm’s length during his last days.

      1. That must have been very painful for you, Bonnie. Guess we’ll never understand someone’s thinking after they’re gone. I realise it’s fruitless to ruminate (doesn’t stop me) but focus when I can on the good memories.

      1. It IS tough, Lynda. Consequences can go deep and long and sometimes fail to respond to rational thought. Wish you luck in resolving things satisfactorily.

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